At first, he's warm. He's surrounded by warm water on all sides. It stirs gently around him, ruffling his hair, and stroking his skin like a kind gesture. He pulls his knees and elbows closer into his chest, curling up, closing his eyes and trying to will himself to stay asleep. There's someone watching over him, he can feel a gentle hand on his-
The sound of a train departing the station
Kaworu opens his eyes and blinks into the harsh light of the setting sun that's taken over atmosphere like an infection. He pushes himself up into a sitting position in the empty train as water drips down the nape of his neck sticking his shirt to his body. He looks across to see someone sitting there, watching him, with an air of expectation. The figure is slender, one leg crossed over one knee, hands in pockets. The harsh light and shadow cuts across the figure's face and makes it unreadable, like a piece of the world has simply been removed.
"Welcome back." It speaks in his voice but deeper, a little more mature and refined. "Or did you want to come back at all? Maybe it was easier to stay."
"I don't know," Kaworu rubs at his face, his head hurts. "But I felt safe there."
"That's because it's a world where you didn't have to feel pain and confusion. Someone wanted you unconditionally. But did they want you? Or would they have taken anyone who would have them?"
"Does it matter? Humans lie to themselves all the time about the truth to make things easier. In the end, maybe I have the same desire for things to be easy."
"Is that why you went along with everything? Even when life was painful back home, you had a purpose, one that you both desired and resented. Maybe even now, you were just looking for someone else to give you another purpose, whatever it is. It scares you not to have one."
"It's not..." He flexes his hand, fingers curling towards is palm, and then back out. Once, twice, three times. He wants to make a fist but he can't seem to manage. "I wanted to help."
"Did you want to help so you could help? Or did you want to help so you could get praised? Have a purpose? Feel connected to those around you?"
Finally, he clenches his fist and glares up at the figure across from him through wet bangs. "And what's wrong with that?"
The figure shifts and Kaworu knows, can feel, there's a smile on its face, though he can't see through the cacophony of light and shadow. "Nothing. The ties that bind will show you the way. It took me a long time to learn that. I hope it takes you much less."
the train enters a tunnel, a bell chimes to indicate an arrival at the station, in the darkness, red eyes meet familiar but not identical red eyes-
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March 1 - Post Leviathan Death
The sound of a train departing the station
Kaworu opens his eyes and blinks into the harsh light of the setting sun that's taken over atmosphere like an infection. He pushes himself up into a sitting position in the empty train as water drips down the nape of his neck sticking his shirt to his body. He looks across to see someone sitting there, watching him, with an air of expectation. The figure is slender, one leg crossed over one knee, hands in pockets. The harsh light and shadow cuts across the figure's face and makes it unreadable, like a piece of the world has simply been removed.
"Welcome back." It speaks in his voice but deeper, a little more mature and refined. "Or did you want to come back at all? Maybe it was easier to stay."
"I don't know," Kaworu rubs at his face, his head hurts. "But I felt safe there."
"That's because it's a world where you didn't have to feel pain and confusion. Someone wanted you unconditionally. But did they want you? Or would they have taken anyone who would have them?"
"Does it matter? Humans lie to themselves all the time about the truth to make things easier. In the end, maybe I have the same desire for things to be easy."
"Is that why you went along with everything? Even when life was painful back home, you had a purpose, one that you both desired and resented. Maybe even now, you were just looking for someone else to give you another purpose, whatever it is. It scares you not to have one."
"It's not..." He flexes his hand, fingers curling towards is palm, and then back out. Once, twice, three times. He wants to make a fist but he can't seem to manage. "I wanted to help."
"Did you want to help so you could help? Or did you want to help so you could get praised? Have a purpose? Feel connected to those around you?"
Finally, he clenches his fist and glares up at the figure across from him through wet bangs. "And what's wrong with that?"
The figure shifts and Kaworu knows, can feel, there's a smile on its face, though he can't see through the cacophony of light and shadow. "Nothing. The ties that bind will show you the way. It took me a long time to learn that. I hope it takes you much less."
the train enters a tunnel, a bell chimes to indicate an arrival at the station, in the darkness, red eyes meet familiar but not identical red eyes-
Kaworu wakes up to an unfamiliar ceiling.